A blog for 21st century women in a 19th century role!


1. I swear ... A LOT! I don't intend to offend people, but it happens.

2. my spelling and grammar and capitalization are horrible. i don't have time for spell check and the "shift" key.

3. I am an open person. A VERY open person. So, I may... from time to time... mention my sex life, or my time spent in the bathroom, or other un-savory things that you might not want to hear about. BE WARNED! I say what i say and you may chose to read it or not to... either way, i'mma write it.


I've been a working Mom, and I've been a stay-at-home Mom...... and working is easier! I've been a stay-at-home Mom for nearly 4 years and I am only NOW learning.... I'VE BEEN DOING IT WRONG! Each day, (well, most days anyway) I'll be attempting some mundane "housewife" duty that I'm not used to or has changed or that I've only just realized I've been doing wrong. I hope to entertain at least a few people and maybe help someone else who is going through what i'm going through....

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

It all comes out in the wash....

or does it?  today, i'd like to talk about dishwashers.  my very first dishwasher was (like a lot of people's) a roll around one with the hose to hook to your sink.  I think we bought it for $10 at the salvation army.  since it was less than a block from my house, we just rolled it on down the street to out home.  we had to buy a part so it would fit on our sink that cost $7 I think.  pretty damn good investment!  it was a dinosaur even then.... BUT  that was an excellent dishwasher!  I loved that thing.  it was also additional counter space!  one year for my birthday, my hubby bought me a brand new one.

I had a rather bad reaction to his wonderful gift.  not for the reasons you might think.  not because his gift had to do with a chore... but because I didn't want a new one.  I liked my old one.  and now I was not only losing counter space but also had to lose a cabinet!  wtf?  I came home in the middle of it being installed but sadly, my old dishwasher was already gone.  THAT made it even worse! (I frequently have bad reactions to gifts my husband buys me out of the goodness of his heart.  I feel terrible after and always wind up looking like a heinous bitch.  that poor man!)

I could have had two dishwashers!  now THAT would have been awesome!  anyone who knows me knows I don't keep up with any housework.  I tend to let it build up and do a lot all at once.  this allows me to keep my laziness status on full.  since I don't do dishes often, I have more dirty dishes than will fit in one dishwasher load.  SO... I either do two or some carry over.  if I had two dishwashers this would solve much of that problem. 

when we were looking at houses before we moved, and we looked at this house, the kitchen was what I fell in love with.  if you haven't seen it it's a black and white kitchen.  the bottom of the walls are painted black.  it has a white chair rail and above that is white wall paper with black twall designs on it.  like this -

and it  has..... YELLOW COUNTERTOPS!  oh hell yes.  it is so quirky and I love it more than I can say.  and it has a dishwasher (built in) which I think is even older than my $10 dishwasher.  It seems I have a may-December relationship with dishwashers because I love this one too.  the one at the old house had all kinds of buttons and fancy settings and what not.  this one has one cycle.  it's called "wash".  and that's what it does.  it does have a button that says, "cancel drain"  I have no idea what that means.  would I have to bail the water out of the dishwasher?  why would anyone cancel drain?  no thanks, keep washing my dishes with the dirty water!  it will also just warm up my plates if I want it to.  maybe the plates get cold sitting in the cabinet.  or maybe they are stressed and could use a good steam to relax.  who knows?  all I know is that I love my old as hell dishwasher.  blane has repeatedly mentioned getting a new one.  but seriously... why?  why get a new one when my old one is fine?  it works great.  it doesn't look any older than anything else in my kitchen.  so what the hell?  my only complaint is that it is small on the inside.  I have some pretty big dishes.  why?  who the hell knows.  i'm not a very good cook so why would I need to cook so much crap that it can only fit in a giant bowl? 

but the giant bowls don't fit in the dishwasher.... they are usually "carried over" many times.

speaking of bowls.  ya wanna know the problem with plastic bowls?  they flip over in the dishwasher and fill with water.  what's up with that?  it irritates me.  so one day I think, "oh, I know.  i'm gonna fool the old dishwasher.  or bowl.  who ever's fault it is .... i'm gonna fool them!" so I put all the bowls in right side up. (like you would eat out of them as opposed to upside down like you would normally put them in the dishwasher).  and do you know what happened? 

they did not flip over.  they were all full of water when I opened the dishwasher.  well played, my friends.  well played!

I also refuse to hand wash wooden spoons.  I know they absorb stuff.  like germs.  so I refuse to accept that they are actually clean unless the dishwasher has sanitized them.  my cast iron skillets are ok not being washed in the dishwasher because I can boil water in them to kill germs.  that doesn't work with wooden spoons. 

another note on old dishwashers - I like them old because you can tell when they finish.  some these days are so quiet you can't even tell they are running.  I like to hear my dishes getting clean.  if I don't hear it... I don't trust it! 

that is all for this evening.  and if anyone has an old roll around dishwasher that works and you want to get rid of it, give me a call!  the more dishwashers, the mary-er I shall be!

Friday, September 6, 2013

My Life in Pajamas.

it's ok to be jealous.  or think i'm crazy.  but I believe that being comfortable should be at the top of the priorities list when it comes to our appearance.  I don't care if I look like a slob.  im comfy in my jammies!  most people would be very UNcomfortable going around town in their sleep wear.  I understand that.  many of my friends won't even leave the house without make-up on.  to do so would make them uncomfortable.  I don't want them to be uncomfortable.  so they should do that.  if wearing an evening gown everywhere you go makes you comfortable - GO FOR IT!  I support and applaud everyone being comfortable!  and I am glad I don't know any nudists.  lol.

so each and every day I get dressed into pajamas. 

here's the deal.  i'm a housewife.  i'm a mom.  i'm a pet owning, dish washing, towel folding, dinner cooking, Kroger shopping woman.  other than the pet owning, I do not enjoy these things.  but I've always been a free spirit and being a housewife/SAHM provides me with a freedom that a 9-5 can't.  but all magic comes at a price!  if I decide to sleep in today - I must work overtime tomorrow.  and i'm also on call 24/7.  but still, I dig it.

so in order to do all those things, I need to be comfortable. like i'm going to stand and do dishes in a blouse and high heels?  heck no.  my jeans are ill fitting these days (see future post about exercise) so they are tight around what used to be my waist.  when I bend over to pick up the floor, they dig in my belly and it hurts!  I can't even sit around doing nothing in uncomfortable clothes!  what do I need to be comfortable?  a baggy t-shirt, and men's pajama pants.  and my flip flops (weather permitting.)  ill fitting or tight clothes make me feel bad about myself.  which depresses me.  which makes me sleepy. which requires pajamas.  so why not keep the pajamas on and get some shit done? 

and I also think it's fair to note - where I keep my bras.

I have many old bras that don't fit anymore.  why do I keep them?  I'm not sure.  unfortunately i''m quite certain my breasts won't shrink.  ya know how they say that a good friend is like a good bra?  never lets you down and always offers support?  well, maybe old bras are like old friends.  can't let them go cuz I remember all the good times.  anyway - those bras are upstairs in a drawer.  it's their retirement I guess. 

the bras that do fit me (most of them) are in my broom closet in the kitchen.  what?  you don't keep your bras in the kitchen?  *GASP*.   ha ha.  being as i'm a stay at home mom and don't leave the house that much.... I don't wear a bra much.  i'm at the point where I don't care how saggy my tits get.  when I get old I will either go to a plastic surgeon and have them fixed, or i'll throw them over my shoulders so I don't trip on them.  I don't care.  my boobs failed me when they wouldn't feed my kids.  they  caught me a husband.  they even helped me make extra tips at the bar in my younger years.  (to clarify - I was a bartender, not a dancer.  I wore low cut shirts is all).  but now.... they are just there. 

so when I find myself sitting around the house why wear a bra?  why have the underwire digging into my ribs?  the heck with it.  take that baby off.  since I've only worn it for an hour or so... it doesn't need washed yet.... hang it in the broom closet!  why walk it all the way upstairs?  if company stops by i'll need it handy so I can put it back on.  hang it on the chair or toss it over the back of the couch and it tends to make people uncomfortable.  my bestie (who is also my wife - an entry for another day) found one hanging on a door handle once and asked if she could use it to carry her groceries in.  (it was really a good time.  I stuffed it with apples and cans of pop and made her wear it around the house).  we have only 2 closets downstairs.  the hall closet by the front door didn't seem like a good place to keep them as it's right by the front door and that closet is already full.  so the broom closet is is! 

in conclusion- if you see me out and about in my pajamas.... please understand it is just my work clothes.  no different from seeing a nurse in scrubs or a lawyer in a suit.  i'll look forward to seeing you in an evening gown.
and if you are at my house and find yourself needing a broom.... it's in the dining room.  the broom closet is full.

up next - I don't know.  I feel that I should clarify how I have a wife, three step-children and a granddaughter.  but I also feel a rant about pick-up and drop-off at the schools coming on..... and there is a sleep over here tonight.... hmmmm.

thanks, readers!  follow my page and share if you think others will enjoy it!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

are those snowflakes in your hair? .....

first let me say that I am getting tired so it may not be the best time to blog.  I tend to ramble in general.... it gets worse when i'm tired.  consider yourself warned!

second, sorry I've been gone for so long.  housewifing keeps me busier than normal these days!

lastly, before I begin to begin again, let me say that this entry is embarrassing, true, and hey - this shit happens..

     It was Christmas morning.  glorious in all its splendor!  santa had visited Grandad's house in Morocco, Indiana and we were all very busy opening presents and taking pictures.

I noticed that the girls kept stopping in the middle of opening to scratch their heads..... uh-oh!!!

after checking their heads it was plain to see.... they had head lice.

ok.  breathe.  it will be ok.  this shit happens, right?  but on CHRISTMAS?  REALLY?  I felt terrible.  why?  I don't know.  it's not like I ordered the little buggers online and sprinkled them in my kids' hair.  but I somehow felt like I had ruined their Christmas.  we loaded up the van earlier than normal and headed home stopping at a CVS to buy them out of any and all lice-killing products.  (God bless CVS for being open on Christmas Day!)  that was by far the grossest I have ever felt in my life driving home that day.  I searched the internet via my iPhone for anything I could find on the subject.
can my dogs get lice?
how often to treat?
how to kill them in car upholstery?
can they live in the carpet?
are there support groups?  cuz I feel like this will ruin our lives!!!

upon arriving home I immediately treat the girls and have to break the news to them that even their brand new toys had to be bagged up for awhile or get washed immediately!  again... I blamed myself, and so did they.  boy was i a mean old woman that day!  after soaking their heads in the "stinky stuff" that they swear burned,  there was the rinsing and then.... then the dreaded comb! 
then all the laundry!  while i de-loused the girls blane sprayed all furniture, stripped all beds, and sprinkled the carpet with borax and baking soda for me.  jeez. 

if you thought "Merry Christmas, the shitter is full" is the worst you could hear on Christmas morning.... imagine, "Merry Christmas, we have lice!"

so after all of this the kids are finally content because i have researched and found out that their brand new iPods will probably not harbor lice to re-infest them.  they are in iHeaven. (a place iVisit often!)

now ME.  i do my best to soak my head, try to get blane's help.  and God love him, he insists that i do his head too.... his shaved head.  but i do.  now the hard part about this is combing my own very thick hair.  i do my best.  i do laundry.  life moved on.  two days later the kids are itch free and im still scratching.  i'm changing beds daily.  i bought new pillows.  still itchy.  the box says not to treat my hair again for a week or 5 days or something like that.  so i start looking up home remedies.  one web page suggests rubbing fresh garlic on your scalp, or saturating your hair with mayo and leaving it for a few hours, or using an onion in someway.  let me emphasize the OR. 

i keep no fresh garlic and i despise onions with my entire being.  but i do have mayo..... and garlic powder.... and minced, dehydrated onion (why?  i don't know.)  so what does Mary do?  mixes all three together into a very wet paste and saturate my head.  OH YES I DID.  i wrapped a Kroger bag around my head and carried on with my day.  my family wouldn't get near me.  i don't blame them.  i smelled very VERY strongly of onion and garlic.  i left it there for somewhere around 6 hours.  OH YES I DID.

i get in the shower and rinse it out - no easy task - i then wash my hair with the smell-goodiest shampoo i have.  i ran out of hot water.  (the washer was still running on HOT almost around the clock)  i got out of the shower.  my hair still stunk.  how blane or i slept that night i don't know.  it was awful.  the next day my new pillow went in the trash and i got back in the shower.  washed my hair at least 10 times.  still stinky.  slightly less tho.  i now smelled more like an Italian sandwich or salad.  which made me hungry.  i let my hair dry entirely and poured baking soda all over my head.  baking soda gets out odors, right?  it sure does!  pour baking soda on my head!  great idea!  wash it out.  still stinks. 

the next day i decide i didn't leave the baking soda in long enough to really work.  open a new box of baking soda and re-apply.  go about my day.  look in the mirror and imagine that i will look ok with gray hair.  the girls are looking at me like im a freak, and lets face it... i am.  i left powder marks every where! rise it out after a few hours and guess what?  did no good.  and my head still itches.

SERIOUSLY?  so i look online again.  another page says that the acid in lemon juice will kill lice and coconut oil can suffocate them.  once again.... i combine the remedies.  this time im thinking I've got them and the stink licked!  coconut and citrus?  that is what most shampoo smells like anyway.  i saturate my head, apply a new Kroger bag and shower cap, sleep in that overnight.  OH YES I DID.
Get up the next day, shower.  once again, takes forever to finally get all the oil out of my hair AND....
my head still smells like a sandwich.

that was in December2012.  after about a week my hair quit stinking.... except in the shower.  every time my hair got wet it still smelled like garlic and onion. FOR 6 MONTHS!  oh, yes it did! 

the moral of this story is, never, NEVER NEVER EVER - put food in your hair.  seriously.  i had enough food in my hair for a recipe.  excuse me, waiter?  there's food in my hair.  yuk.  what was i thinking?

and - ALWAYS check your kids for head lice before they open their Christmas presents!

now, we have tangle spray that is a lice preventative.  my kids heads smell slightly of citronella most days.  it's a fair trade in my opinion.... and theirs too. 

coming soon - my life in pajamas, and the big move!

thanks for reading!