A blog for 21st century women in a 19th century role!


1. I swear ... A LOT! I don't intend to offend people, but it happens.

2. my spelling and grammar and capitalization are horrible. i don't have time for spell check and the "shift" key.

3. I am an open person. A VERY open person. So, I may... from time to time... mention my sex life, or my time spent in the bathroom, or other un-savory things that you might not want to hear about. BE WARNED! I say what i say and you may chose to read it or not to... either way, i'mma write it.


I've been a working Mom, and I've been a stay-at-home Mom...... and working is easier! I've been a stay-at-home Mom for nearly 4 years and I am only NOW learning.... I'VE BEEN DOING IT WRONG! Each day, (well, most days anyway) I'll be attempting some mundane "housewife" duty that I'm not used to or has changed or that I've only just realized I've been doing wrong. I hope to entertain at least a few people and maybe help someone else who is going through what i'm going through....

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Shut the French Door!

isn't that what they're called?  interior doors in sets of 2 with 15 small windows in them?  i think they're called french doors.  i need to brush up on my HGTV. 

     so, in my attempts to be a good housewife, i started to clean things i've never cleaned before.  the french door was my first total failure.  no matter how many times i cleaned them, the crayon mark was on the other side.  so i'd clean that side and it was still there.  i thought i was losing my damn mind!  this side, that side, this side..... i was only working on 9 of those little windows and it took me an hour!  so here are my instructions on how to (unsuccessfully) clean a french door.
1.  spray all glass with glass cleaner (the good kind from napa that foams).
2.  wipe off with paper towel being sure not to leave streaks.
3.  repeat on the other side.
4.  repeat on the other side because the crayon is really on that side.
5.  repeat steps 1-4 three more times.
6.  go get the kitchen scrubbie and re-apply glass cleaner.
7.  scrub all the little windows until it is impossible that any crayon has survived and wipe with paper towel.
   *  you will now notice that there is grease on the windows from the pan you scrubbed with the scrubbie     yesterday.  you will also notice that the crayon is STILL on the other side. 
8.  go get the crayon box to ensure that they are "washable".  read the entire box on all sides to see if there is a warning about crayon marks causing a chemical reaction on contact with glass that bonds the two together for all of eternity.
9. use the kitchen scrubbie to scrub the OTHER SIDE AGAIN! 
10.  go get the 409
11.  apply to all panes of glass that are greasy.
12.  wipe with paper towel.
13.  go to kitchen to get more paper towel.
14.  go to store to get more paper towel.
15.  return to find that the 409 and grease have dried to a soapy-ish film on the windows.
16.  get a wet cloth to wipe that off.  re apply 409 AGAIN!
17.  wipe with paper towel to remove grease.
19.  wipe with paper towel to remove streaks left by 409.
20. call napa and tell them where they can stick their glass cleaner.
21.  go to the drawer where the hammer is and take deep breaths..... close the drawer, but think evil thoughts about breaking all the little windows.  who ever made a window that little anyway?  what a stupid idea.  are french doors really french?  that might explain it.  damn asshole thinking all those little windows are a good idea..... what a jerk.  i'll bet he NEVER thought of having to clean them!  i hope he chokes on a crayon.
22.  happily throw the glass cleaner away so you never have to go through this kind of torture again. 
23.  go to the french door you did not clean. 
24.  admire all the finger prints and crayon marks.  think of how they will someday be a nice reminder of when your kids were little because you will never attempt to clean a french door again!

in conclusion,   it's fair to say that i hate cleaning glass and have decided not to do it anymore.  i think all glass should have tear off strips like the windows on race cars.  and i'm also writing a nasty letter to those crayola bastards...... washable my ass!  i AM thinking of letting the kids color in all the squares in the doors.... maybe it will look like a stained glass masterpiece!
i also would like to encourage you ladies to throw away all your glass cleaner to save you from ever having to go through what i went through.
up next.....tree trimming.

1 comment:

  1. Oh. My. God. I love you Mary. Seriously, I am full-fledged IN LOVE with you and your hilariousness! Thanks for sharing your 'Adventures'... YOU ROCK!