Moms say the darndest things!

most days i feel like a broken record around here with either
"girls, play nice"
"not today"
or "what did i just say?"

so "because i said so" is a place i don't even want to go.  i know how often i would say it if i made a habit of it so i try to avoid the phrase all together.  instead, when my kids ask me why they can't have or do something, i always answer with:
1.  because I'm a mean old woman.
2.  because i don't want you to be happy.
3.  because i like your sister better.
or
4.  any combination of the first 3 options.

if i use 2 or 3, they always say "you're just kidding".  if i use 1, i only get told I'm kidding sometimes.  in either case my kids know i don't mean it and i get to avoid the BISS response. (Because I Said So).  the best part about it is when people overhear me say it in public.  boy the looks i get.  like when i offer Tessa a knuckle sandwich or tell Layla we have to hurry home because it's almost time for her beatings.  all jokes that we laugh off together. my favorite is still when, in front of a person we had just met, my sister Bobbi asked me if i got a babysitter when Blane and i went out.  i said, "sure, i call it a baby sitter... some people call it a cage.  but in the end the kid is safe so its all good."  and i figure if my kids are going to make me sound like a bad mom, i may as well play along.  I remember the look i got from the cashier, bag boy, and people behind me in line at Kroger when the cashier asked Layla what her daddy's name was.  she was pretty little still and instead of saying "i don't know his name"  she said "i don't know who my daddy is".  that's one example.  another time she told someone that mommy didn't tuck her in at night because i was in the bar all night and she was by herself.  clearly i was at work and she was not by herself.  Blane was home.  but that was what she said and once a person hears that its hard to un-ring the bell. 
yes, my kids know the difference between the beer i drink and what Tim drinks.  they have both learned cuss words the way most kids do, from their parents and grandparents.  (the time Tessa told Layla her rules were "boo-shit" is still ringing in my ears!).   but they also have great senses of humor which is why we can joke with them the way we do.  so if you ever hear me saying i have to beat my kids, or that we're looking to sell one of them......  know that its just my way of saying "i love you", and i probably don't mean it.